Simply Strategic

Heads turned away,
the back is all I see.
Nausea fills my empty body,
shivering in the cold, nostalgic air.
Ink covers them,
screaming, pounding, bleeding.
Everything comes together,
and then falls apart.
Piercing daylight,
drowning night.
How must we conform?
Perfect as a rose, I see.
The petals falling slowly.
Filthy, greedy, out of touch.
How will this end?
All with your redeeming blood,
We will never thirst again.


I was wondering last night who is really in control. While we were riding horses, my dad was telling me that if you don't fully take control (being forceful) then the horse will take control and you eventually won't have any say. The horse will do what it wants, when it pleases. It will fight you the whole time, and get caught up in stubborness. In the end though, the horse really has no choice. If they would just let the master take the lead, and be in control...the whole ride would be much smoother with no problems. I should let God be in control more, because afterall...isn't he in control ANYWAYS? If I would stop fighting it, the ride would be much smoother.

"When you walk, your step will not be hampered,
and if you run, you will not stumble." Proverbs 4:12

I think that's all for today...not much is going through my head today :)

With Love from Christ Alone,
Shelby Owen Esther

Pledging to Accept

Lost in dreamland, you suddenly jolt up and look around. Your alarm has decided to not go off every Monday for the past three weeks, and as soon as you open your eyes you can tell this isn't going to be a great day. It is now 7:17 and you're supposed to leave your house at 7:20. Throwing on whatever comes at you first, the thought of skipping comes to mind. Then you remember that if you miss one more day you will be dropped from the class. Finally, at 7:34 you are sprinting out to your car. For the remainder of the day, everything gets under your skin. You are annoyed by every little thing that passes, and even your teachers voice gets on your nerves. Work comes around and you can't seem to do anything right, never being able to please anyone.

Laying in bed that night, your mind is scanning through the day. Suddenly, you remember a math test you have tomorrow. On top of that, you can't stop thinking about this guy you have a crush on that didn't exactly make an effort to speak to you today. Drifting off to sleep, you decide to "let God handle it"

You won't lose sleep on thinking about how many teens in America get pregnant yearly. Moreover, the amount of babies that will be aborted just this month. You won't worry about how many people are dying every minute, just to find themselves burning in Hell for eternity. The thought of people in Africa who are contracting and spreading Aids will never cross your mind. You won't be bothered by the thought of how many homeless people are roaming around Memphis nightly with no comfy bed to sleep in, or a pillow to rest their head on.

Today I was reading this book I bought Saturday. It reminded me of how horrible sex before marriage really is. Not just because of the obvious, but because of how it can tear apart your heart also. Even just oral sex. One line in the book said "There is no way to get around it.....no condom is big enough to cover a whole human heart." How true. Don't be on level "Easy" it's not just a game of solitare on your computer, it's life. It's heartbreak.


I want to be a social worker because I understand how it feels to go through pain. Someone who has never felt pain, and has never experienced true love should never have a job like that in my opinion. It's like a Foreigner trying to teach a American their own language. They wouldn't understand where that American is coming from.

Two weeks ago I had this Psychology test that I completely forgot about. I knew I needed to read my bible that morning, but instead I decided to study. I failed. Miserably. (and psychology is one of my better classes)
Last week the same thing happened, except it was in my weakest subject, math. I decided to skip studying and read my bible like I knew I should. I just knew I would fail. I knew none of the material....I made an A!

Thank you Lord for being everything I need. You continue to amaze me.

With Love from Christ Alone,
Shelby Owen Esther

Steven.

Today I woke up to rain. Well, clouds and drizzles rather.
Today I got corrected.
Today I did not work.
Today I got my hair done.
Today I saw the hurting.
Today I had lunch with my parents.
Today I screamed.
Today I missed.
Today was today, and that's all it was.
Today was a blessing.
Today God let me wake up, to breathe, to praise him.
Today God let me smile, enjoy, and understand.


With Love from Christ Alone,
Shelby Esther

Jeans Fading as Flowers

Sometimes I see my life as a road. And I'm the car. I don't know where this road will lead, and at night it is dark and empty. No one in sight. During the day it's bright, full of people and chaos. This road is also lined with traffic lights, some are red, and some are green....and of course yellow. Oftentimes I will choose to keep going even when the light is red. Then there is a collision and my world is turn upside down, twisted and confused. Other instances the light will be green, and I will again go, but sometimes it will be yellow....telling me I need to slow down. God is the ruler of these traffic lights, he will show you when you need to stop or go, or even just slow down.



I love it when people write me letters or notes. On a piece of paper, like in the old days. It makes it so much more meaningful to me, to think that someone actually sat down and took the time to write me. Sometimes I write my friends letters and send them in the mail. I think it's a nice surprise.

I have been having these weird feelings lately that something is going to happen to me, whether something happens or not I just want people to know that I love them. God is the only good in us. I read soemthing the other day in my Social Working book that said "It is the Social Worker that holds everything together. The Social Worker is the constant; the GLUE." Going into the Social Working field, I agree with this statement. But all I could seem to think about was, "Why can't we just let GOD be the glue?" We can't hold anything together without God, so what's the point in trying?

I would appreciate it if you would pray for me, I need it. Everyone does.

With Love from Christ,
Shelby Owen Esther