Something real

WELLLL....I feel like I have a lot to rant about. Like i said in the title, I need something real (God, Friends, etc.) I havent been at work for a while, so therefore i havent blogged. lol Im going to try to sum things up quick so its not just one big boring day-by-day explanation. Plus, I wouldnt want to bore you!

Last week I went to gulf shores with my family. Um...came back and my cousins were in town from Missouri, so we have been busy with them all this week.

As you all know, I am a Christian...and im not afraid to say it. But for the past few years I havent felt very secure in a "church home" or with the people that are usually in that scene. Nothing seems set in stone, and its just not very reliable. I just long for something thats concrete. I was attending a church last year and then everything crumbled and fell through the cracks. People were putting others down for not jumping on the Calvanism band-wagon and yeah, they were all christians believing in the same God, but at the same time they just wanted to argue and pull each other apart.

I think that I need something that isnt changing to feel secure in my walk with God. Just like God himself is unchanging.

Monday I went to a redbirds game with Claire and by the time we finally got back to my car, the garage was closed...and my car was locked inside. lol So, that was an experience! Tuesday, was the worst day EVER...and then that night I went to a horse show with my family because my cousin was riding. He ended up getting thrown off his horse. That wasnt fun. Yesterday, we went to the lake and then me, nathan, and claire went and got ice cream. Then we went out to my dads house so they could embarrass me. To be honest, it really pisses me off that evertime i bring someone over to the house my family has to act like fools. They dont do it unless someone is over...BUT needless to say, that wont happen again. That way i wont have to worry about my dad and his ruthless beliefs about politics and argumentative step-mom.

Im so tired of being nice to people and being there for them time after time, going out of my way to help them and then not getting ANY support back in the friendship whatsoever. Ive decided that im not going to allow myself to fall into the trap of doing things for someone and not recieving the same things back. Im not going to be the only friend and im sick of doing everything under the sun for people who could care less and then end up putting me down in the end. Its extremely exhausting and I have plenty of things to worry about already, I NEED A GOOD FRIEND, PEOPLE! Thats the end of being used!

Im sorry if this blog seems negative, but its life....so, i hope you all have a wonderful day! :)

Forevermore

If I could just kiss you, one more time on the lips, softly and carefully.. If I could just touch you, feel your skin against mine...I would be completely in awe of what you could do for me. If I could hear your voice whispering the "I love you's" that beckon through my brain, say your name as if longing for you to show me the love God has set aside for me, I would be all yours forevermore. 

For a Lifetime

I want to be on fire for God and it to last for a lifetime...I want to be in a relationship with someone who is the same way. I dont want us to be all "sold out" to God for a week and then start slacking again. It takes work...its an everyday thing.

You cant just expect to watch some youtube videos of skits about God, or go to church once in a blue moon and be great in your walk.

Its a daily thing and takes work to deepen your walk with Him. Open your bible daily and soak up His word...talk to Him continuously throughout the day. Let Him strengthen you.

I needed to get that out.

Worth Waiting For

I made a promise to God when I was in the 8th grade to remain pure from sex until marriage. I realized the importance of wanting to save this precious gift for the man i will marry and stuck to it.

My junior year of high school I started getting made fun of for not dating different guys and not flirting like most girls do. It got bad enough once that one of my friends moms started a rumor that I was a lesbian because I didnt have a "boyfriend" like all my other friends.

I always felt like it wasnt right to give my heart away to just any guy. I felt uncomfortable and awkward when a guy would put his arm around my waist or pressure me to kiss him when I wasnt ready.

Because of pressure from my friends and society, i always felt like I was the problem...(and growing up in a divorced home, I could have done anything and neither of my parents would have known. Not that they didnt pay attention to me.) So, I started to let loose and I got a boyfriend my senior year. I didnt like him, and he treated me terribly. Lowering my self esteem, he made my believe that he was the best i could get. It felt all wrong being with him, but still, I felt like i was the issue, and that since we havent "had sex" he is respecting me. (yeah right!)

This is so not true. Lately, I have learned that God gave me those feelings of being uncomfortable for a reason. He was saving me for something special and pure. He was making me feel uneasy about the situation I was in because he was protecting his daughter.

"Purity" does not only apply to SEX. It applies to emotional AND physical actions. When you promise to save yourself for marriage, its not only talking about saving sex for your future husband/wife...its talking about saving your emotions for him also.

Even the Christian standards have gone down extremely for whats accepted "physically"

Most youth groups these days are filled with girls chasing, tickling, and grabbing guys in ways that are inappropriate. I had a friend once who would make-out with any guy she came across...but yet called herself "close to God" and didnt feel bad about it once. Girls dont understand how much these things affect guys (im guilty myself)

These youth groups also have guys that are hugging, tickling, and touching girls also. This opens doors and lets them know that the girls are physically available (even if it doesnt mean going all the way) Guys dont understand that girls are very vulnerable and that we are MADE to pour out our emotions to a man. BUT ONLY ONE MAN. So dont take this for granted. A little piece of our heart gets ripped away everytime we pour ourselves into a guy and he turns his back to us.

Girls, a REAL man will respect you and want you to save yourself for marriage no matter if he is the one for you or not.(sex, oral, kissing, touching, hugging, emotions) He wont ask you to do anything with him because he wont want it himself. Dont feel like there are no more great guys out there with morals just like you. He is out there...just be patient.

Just remember.....I'm worth waiting for.

Song of Solomon 2:7
"Do not awaken love until the time is right"

2 Timothy 2:22
"Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart."

Lover of My Soul

Ive learned lately that whether you are a new believer in Christ or if you have been a Christian for most of your life...you need church. God gives us church to help us grow with Him and become stronger in our walk.

If you ignore God for so long you become downright miserable.

Ive been learning so much in the book im reading "When God Writes Your Love Story" Eric and Leslie Ludy are the authors...they are married. Leslie writes in one part that women strive to have a strictly emotional relationship with a man, they pour their heart out to whatever man they are in a relationship with at the time. Men, are different..they express themselves with women physically...and its hard for them to pour out their heart to a woman..most of the time they dont even know how. As a woman, I know how hurtful it is to need that emotional security and feel as if im alone in backing myself up emotionally in a relationship. I need to realize that even if a man cant give it to me that God can. He is the Lover of my soul and provides me with EVERLASTING LOVE daily. He listens, and is ALWAYS available.

Its easy for guys to fall into the sexual sins with a girl even if they "promise" not to...I pray that God will give me strength enough to know what i need in a relationship and remind me that He is the only one that can give me peace. I dont want to wake up one day and realize that i have let my heart become beaten into hamburger meat because ive allowed myself to become too emotionally attached, when the guy couldnt do the same. (im not saying this applies to me right now, just in general)

have a great day! :)

He will move

Lately Ive been focused on "Letting God write my love story" not that anything is wrong with mine and Nathan's relationship...we are doing just fine, actually. We are growing closer as we focus more on God and allow our relationship to go down the paths God has for us. Im currently reading When God Writes Your Love Story. I initially got this for me and Nathan because our anniversary is coming up. I had planned on us reading it together and going through the questions together...but i couldnt wait to read it and im glad, because it has some great stuff packed in that little book!

Im beginning to trust God a lot more with taking hold of my life and drastically take over. I dont want to be in the drivers seat anymore, and i am learning more daily how to allow God to write my life (without my help)

1 Corinthians 2:9

He has also shown me who i need in my life and who i dont....ive been praying about this for a while now. He told me that people have pointed out my problems to me and hurt me greatly, so i need the strength to tell them what they may need to work on. I have no problem with this anymore and am no longer afraid to hold back.

Sometimes i forget how important it is to turn off the music, or turn of your (not-so-important) thoughts and talk to God. I catch myself rambling about nothing on end...but im glad He is listening and always will.

Nathan and I visited the LifeHouse at First Baptist Olive Branch last night...it has changed a lot...but God is def using that church. It makes me happy to see them changing things around and totally building from ground up...only based on their faith. God has moved mountains! :)

This morning i was praying for my mom. Specifically, I was thanking God that our relationship hasnt been on the rocks for a while now...I just long for that "close relationship" with her again. But, like a said ^^^^ God can move mountains!

I hope you have a wonderful day! :)

Only with Him

Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

I want to trust Him. I want Him to keep me strong. I want to understand through Him. I want to be made complete...I will only be complete with Him.

Better after death

I wish I could prove to you how much I love you. I wish you could see it in my smile. I wish you could hear what my heart tells me when I'm with you. I'm too blunt, too sharp with my words. I feel like I can't get across what I'm feeling....I want you to trust that I love you more than life, even if it's hard to read. Elizabeth browning is right....I shall love you better after death.

Future

FINALLY, some alone time here at work...ive been trying to get alone for two days so i could blog and it just wasnt happening.

A lot has been going on lately with traveling and such, but some other things have been going on that have been weighing down my mind to the extreme!

Nathan is currently at the recruiting office as we speak and is wanting to join the military. It seems like a good plan with his situation and would get him off to a great start in his life. But, it doesnt just involve him...it involves me too. and we agreed that if he goes in, we will get married. Its a lot to get planned in less than a year...so pleeeeeaaasse pray for us.

Sweet Maker

Oh, sweet maker review my soul,
Review my soul cause it's taking a toll,
On my body, on my mind,
Remove this mask, cause I'm blind.
Strengthen my heart, fill my mind,
I want your love to make me kind.

Oh, sweet maker pull me out,
So I can see what you're about,
I'm in a pit,
But isnt that it?
It all derives from love,
If only I would look above,
Past the mounds, above the clouds,
To see my maker standing tall,
Always there, above it all.
Putting his mark on my heart,
Branding his name on my path.

Oh, sweet maker make me whole,
So I can see what you'll unfold,
I am dumb, I am weak,
But you lift me far above the peak,
Of the mountain sturdily,
Only life would hurry me.
I'm left behind,
For you I'll shine,
Bury me deep under,
Your grace will soon plunder.

Overflow of Love

Gazing up at the almost mid-night sky,
I can’t help but wonder why,
You would love a sinner-dark and full of hate.
I constantly spit in your face.
You love me with no end,
No boundaries or gates to fill up the spaces in between,
My heart you always mend.
The moon shines for it’s maker,
Heavy hearts wait on you,
Anticipating the call.
Thrashing through sillouettes like horses in a field,
We let greed and jealousy consume us.
I need your love as a shield,
Protect me against my enemies,
For I am nothing without my Lord,
You are everything.
My Savior makes me like the moon,
Shining brightly to comfort the hurting.
Love is over-used,
Meaningless like blank words on a page.
God’s love is shown like an overflowing cup,
Standing on a stage,
Shouting love to the people.
Love is a light,
In the almost mid-night sky.

Baby Kitties

My babies are getting bigger! Since there are only two of them they both have FAT bellies! We are so proud of mama! :)

Here is their story---http://www.youtube.com/user/ShelbyOwen?feature=mhee#p/u/7/Na7lk-IZrpE

Walking Again

My name is Ellie, and I'm 5 years old.
I have a small family. It is only me, my mommy, daddy, and Bruce (he is our dog)
My mommy was 18 when she had me, so that means she is 23 now.
She is kind and simple. She loves me with everything and gives me anything (even if i ask for a cookie before supper)
She is a hard worker and wears second-hand clothes. She says she doesnt want to spend daddy's money faster than he can make it.
She cooks supper every night for me and daddy, and we always eat all of the left-overs.
During the week, she wears her hair up everyday, but on the weekends she says she wants to look good for daddy so she lets it down. Even though he says she looks good anyway (she doesnt listen)
Everyday she wears round diamond cluster earrings that costs $40 dollars. She is proud of them, she told me that her grandmother gave them to her as something special.
Mommy is fashionable, but she isnt high-fashioned. She is unique and special.
She has a temper, but never towards me. She stands up for her beliefs and will not let anyone change her mind.
She loves Jesus, so does daddy.
Mommy picks me up from school everyday and when it is hot outside she takes me to get a sno-cone. (Sometimes she will bring Bruce if she has time to get him from home)

Today was different though, mommy needed to go to the post office to send letters.
There was a long line and we waited for 25 minutes. She held my hand the whole time.
When the lady at the desk was finished, my mommy told her to have a blessed day.
We walked outside and she opened the back door and helped me to get in.

I buckled myself up though, because im a big girl now.

Mommy got in the front and she yawned as she put the car in reverse.

It made me tired seeing her yawn, so i leaned my head on the seat. Then...


BANG!



Another vehicle ramed into the rear left side of our car crushing my body against the opposite side door. I felt no pain, but then I blacked out and in a split second everything was gone.


I woke up in a white bed in a room with white walls. Mommy and daddy were sitting close to me. Mommy was crying, she had scrapes on her face. Daddy held her and sobbed also. I could smell her breath. The same breath that was so sweet as she rocked me goodnight. It soothed me.



I was paralyzed from the waist down.

Two weeks later mommy and daddy could take me home.

Daddy opened the door to our small, two bedroom, one bath house and mommy pushed my wheelchair through the door.

Bruce was so excited to see me!
He licked my face and wagged his tail.
I told daddy that Bruce looked skinny, but daddy said he would be OK.
Then mommy fed him, just to make me happy.

6 yrs later

Today mom was having trouble lifting me.
She said I needed a bath, but I could tell she was upset so I told her it was okay.

She ignored me and finally got me in the tub. But when she got me out, my foot got cut on something (im not sure what it was) and I bled and bled like always. I didnt feel it, but i guess it was bad.



Mom cried. She told me she was sorry.
I told her it wasnt her fault.

"...but I never wanted to hurt you." she said, as the tears flowed.

Later that day, before daddy got home, I rolled into mom and daddy's room and saw her praying. I know she knew I was in there right away because im not very quiet.
She got up and came over to me quietly. She held my hand and I told her it would all be okay.

She said that God has helped her through everything in life and she has faith that one day, he will help me walk again.


I'm now 52 and my mother is the one in the wheelchair.

She is 70 and is still the same, tender-hearted woman she has always been.


Now that wrinkles cover her face, the tears that she cries don't go as smoothly down her cheek as they did back when I was 5.

This time though, she isnt crying about heartache.

I went to visit her in the same small house, on the same farm that her and daddy owned the day I was born. Now that daddy is gone, she is alone and has no problems with that.

She was sitting on the front porch when I arrived, and as I sat down, she took me back to a place where she thought she would never feel complete again.

My mother explained how she realized in those days that her little daughter could not walk due to her own accidents, God showed her that he would help her walk through all of life's obstacles. Day by day, month by month, and year by year...God taught her how to lean on only Him again.

Until the World Dies

Hearts bended,
Knees mended,
Opposites in control.
Posing for the world,
and the lack of those that entertain.
You might feel insane,
Times change,
and I'm movin' along,
They change,
Like the wings of a flying bird,
or the direction of a crashing wave.
Your beauty is untamed,
The beast that's underneath.
I don't hate what I've become,
but don't love it either.
I'll watch this world wither,
Dying away,
Playing the part.
I'd engage in these acts,
Just to have you within me.
I feel terrible,
I'm desperate,
Look me in the eyes,
So I don't feel seperate.
I need this love in me,
Flowing through my veins.
Can't control these people that torment,
What happens in their brains?
I never want to be ashamed,
of all that you've been for me.
I claim you,
I know you,
I love you,
But what will I do with you?
I'll share you.

<3

Check out my YouTube channel guys!! :)

http://www.youtube.com/user/ShelbyOwen?feature=mhee

I love it when I lay down in bed at night and all I can say is thank you Lord!! Thank you for my family, thank you for good friends, thank you for my baby boy Chaser :) thank you for the time with my mom today, thank you for bringing my mom and grandma back together, thank you for a boyfriend that accepts me and supports me through struggles, thank you for the relationship I now have with my step-mom and brother, thank you for my wonderful daddy who teaches me so much, thank you for grandparents who are always there, and most of all thank you for loving me no matter what.

What now?

Well, to be honest...ive been kinda worried about myself. Ive had a headache for a month straight, i didnt think anything of it at first..but now im getting nervous. i might go to the doctor and see what they say. but i dont want to spend a load of moolah.

I feel really bad for the flood victims.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Epz0avRNA-E

Much love.

Brittle Girl

She lives fast,
She lives hard,
She wonders what has torn her heart apart.
She won't lock her knees,
'Cause she believes there's no time for ease.
She wants rid of the pain,
but there's no pill, no drink to restrain the ache.
She needs no pity,
Pity causes her to act filthy.
She wears this glory like a cape,
Only to scourge the pain of rape.
She's rough,
She's tough,
She's weak,
She's poor.
Pushing away the water,
Reaching for the heat,
Dry love cracks her bones,
Heavy burden engulfs the heart of stone.

Seeing Daddy Cry

Most people say they've never seen their dad cry,
I, for one, have.
I was five when I first witnessed my daddy cry,
He was picking me up from my Mom's apartment
I couldnt tell you the time or date, but it was dark and rainy.
He told me to go sit in the car and I didnt want to leave my mom.
When he came to the car I remembered him being furious,
then as he drove he cried...
He cried all the way home.
Passing through red lights,
Speeding down backroads.
He took the long way home,
and I sat in the passenger side not saying a word.
Days passed and the confusion that filled my mind slipped away,
Everything I knew was torn apart,
I understood that my family was no longer together.
My daddy was heart-broken,
There was nothing I could do but lay there in his arms and love him like a five year old knows how.
My daddy cried for his pain...
My daddy cried for my pain....
But our Father held us tight.
He didnt let us go in the darkest of times.
He saw us through in the lightest of times.
There was nothing my daddy could do but lay in our Father's arms and love Him like a broken-hearted man knows how.

Catch up

I feel like i am back in the fifth grade right now because i am eating chocolate pudding and watching Ed, Edd, n' Eddie...I hated this show when i was younger, but my step brother loved it. Its so stupid.

I havent blogged in SOOOO long!!

I feel extremely blessed right now in my life. I feel like God has me on the right path and that im doing good with it. Although, i do learn things daily...and im trying not to be such a smart aleck bitch. And to trust more easily, and to let the past be the past. I feel like i hold on to a lot of the jealousy i have with nathan about his ex girlfriend. He was wrong in the beginning of our relationship, but its the past. So now, im the wrong one for clinging on to that. Its just plain foolish how i remind him of things and throw them in his face. But its something within myself that i cant let go.

Im using a gophone now, instead of my iphone. Im surprised i didnt cry when i went to get my internet cut off...but on the plus side, this new phone has held full charge ALL DAY!!! hahahaa

Nathan and I went to byhalia late last night and exolored an old abandoned school house. It was so awesome, but scary! i jumped at everything and had to pee so bad. lol

Today at school there was this blind girl that couldnt find her way to the correct hallway. It was me and a few friends just standing around and this random guy came up, took her by the hand, and helped her to class. I thought that was so sweet. Plus, it was a huge encouragement. Sometimes people are having so many problems and just the smallest things we could do would make them feel so great. Most of the time we are just too selfish, or dont want to look like a fool to people who dont even matter.

Have a wonderful day! :)

Simple Things

Its funny how one heartbreaking thing can teach you so many life lessons.

"Tell me, how do you stand there with your broken heart..ashamed of playing the fool?"
Ive learned not to live for one big moment after the next. The simple things mean so much...more than the big things the majority of the time. Like playing street ball with your best friends. Or sitting out on the porch swing with your dad. Or walking through the park hand in hand talking to your boyfriend. Ive learned to not worry about looking like a fool, show people you love and care about them without worrying about what others think. Give your money away, because most likely you will use it for some useless thing that will just junk up your space. Dont be Eeyor, and try to show people the most positive way of living. Laugh about anything and everything, at yourself, or your dog. Laugh when you're alone...or with a group. (It feels great, just try it) Keep things in order..and dont live life in chaos. If it take a second thought about whether or not to do something, then you probably shouldnt do it...Dont doubt the Lord. Afterall, isnt he God? He knows all. Make some time to be alone. Dont be afraid to sit by yourself and think about things, or just listen to God. If you have something on your heart to say to someone, JUST TELL THEM. It wont hurt...and maybe they feel the same way. That moment will only bring you closer. Work hard and dont be a bum. Dont be selfish. If you're feeling sad-GO OUTSIDE. Fresh air and sunshine is the key to happiness.

I went to a James Taylor concert last night and it was amazing. I got the tickets for Christmas, and I chose to take my dad. It was wonderful and we had a great time together. We dont get to spend much alone time together so it was well needed.


School is going great...and im very thankful for my friends. Growing up, i was being shuffled from house to house so i never really had a very good childhood. I wasnt able to play with kids in the neighborhood or be in any kind of sport. So the fact that i have friends that are willing to get out and have a blast doing things that are simple is great to me. We played basketball and tennis and had a wonderful time. The key to any great friendship is laughter. Im also thankful that i have a boyfriend who is also my best friend. :)

One last thing, I have to be the clumsiest person in the whole wide world. Who else could wreck a workout bike? ME. I have the bruises to prove it.

P.S.
"Shower the people you love with love, show them the way that you feel."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17pkx5T83FQ

This one is mine...from the concert...enjoy! :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihbqDR7tIy0

Have a wonderful day!

headache

Do you need whiskey to keep fueling your own flames?

Dont tell me you miss me when you're the very one that keeps consistently pushing me away!

I had to go to the park this afternoon to clear my head.

This is the one who is always here for me waiting to give me a hug. EVERY time i need it.

http://www.youtube.com/user/ShelbyOwen#p/a/u/2/pmMz-mcX0KY

Hello, puppy!

Last night was great because i had a date with my boyfriend, it was our valentines day...because he had to work monday.

First, he picked me up right after work (around four) We went and watched the sunset by the mississippi river on riverside drive. Then, we ate dinner on beale street. Afterwards, we rode a trolley, exchanged gifts, and went to the cliff that looks over tunica. It was FUN!!

Well, statefarm finally called last night to come out and get a quote on getting my car fixed..i think i deserve to have a car with no dents after i was driving that kia. and after getting rear-ended last week i was pretty pissed. Luckily, it wasnt my fault :)



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDNhlKc9u0I

Cheers.

Today is Valentine's day, and my boyfriend is working. Oh well. We will have tomorrow :)

I wish i was a more easy-going person.

Today started off pretty bad for me, but now looking back it has been a pretty great day. I went to school..with a bad attitude, listened to speeches...took a algebra test, and left. I went to work, took my nana to the eye doctor and witnessed more "whitehaven action" like always. People actin fools...lol.

On the way home we stopped by kohls and i finished up my valentines shopping. Then, rolled down the windows to my car, cranked up some jack johnson and enjoyed the sunshine (my favorite thing about my new car is the sunroof, power windows, and the back window rolls down :)

Once i got home i gave my chaser a bath, and brushed him...he is starting to shed like CRAZY since its getting warm outside...and he appreciates a little brushin every now and then!

I got great news to share!! Today my nine year old cousin, Tanner, led a little boy to Christ on the bus after school. He amazes me. It made me wonder, "Why cant we all be that bold?"

Much Love.

P.S. Ive decided im going to start a daily video blog of something that happened during that day. Here's the first video :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pj0gvP-JP4g

The funniest part to me is when he is walking out the door. lol

Is it us?

I have a guilty pleasure..


I LOVE SEX AND THE CITY!! and although i dont watch much tv, it is on the top 3 list of my favorite shows. gahhhh...im glad i got that out. No, its not the sex, its not the fashion..its the friendships, its the story line..its carrie! i love her. Ive been watching it ever since it started. Its all my moms fault.

"Samantha always had a way with men, even if they were half woman."

My first speech is Wed...and im officially nervous. is it a problem that i get nervous about getting in front of people over a week before i actually have to do it? lol. but, i did make a 100 on my eye contact test! i was the only one in the class that made a perfect score :)

Nathan and i visited the well last night at longview heights with bryan and shelby. it was pretty good.

ive been working on my outline on this dang computer all afternoon so im tired of thinking. cya! :)

Let's see.

Why do I have this need to fight peoples battles for them? Maybe I think they aren't capable? Or maybe I just can't sit back and let them deal with things because I don't like seeing people get hurt..

Should we just omit the thoughts of staying away from temptation just because God promises to help us with it? 1 Corinthians 10:13

Lately, I have no need to repress myself from things that may (or may not) tempt me because I have a huge amount of self control. But I know that Satan can and will strike at any moment. I know my boundaries. And as long as I know God formed those boundaries and not me then we are doing good. :)

I will praise him because he is God.
I will praise him because he is good.
I will praise him because he loves me.

I will not fall into a puritanistic lifestyle. I will not be afraid of everything which comes my way.

Untitled Face

I was riding my bike and I saw you. Directly beneath the trees and the shadows. Leaves falling all around you. You were walking briskly towards me, not to me, but close enough. You walked right past and I was jealous. I turned and asked your name but didn't pay attention to the answer. I was amused by the silver of your hair swaying with the wind. I pretended like I knew things, made them sound good just to gain your attention, but you saw past it too quickly and walked on by. I climbed down the rocky hill and sat quietly by the edge of the water. Halfway watching a father and son fish, but mostly only listening to the birds. I looked up and was engulfed by the sight of the sunset, the clouds somehow portrayed a bridge that filled up the gap between me and heaven. I wondered if you would be there, but more so I was interested in who you were. Those eyes pierced me so familiarly, your face was wrinkled and dismayed. Memories flooded my mind and I didn't even notice the tide coming in, causing the bottom of my pant legs to get wet. Standing up, I brushed the sand off my legs and preceded to roll up the bottom of my jeans. Step by step I walked along the edge of the rocks trying to only place my feet on the ones that were sturdy. It got easier as I went farther and I began to notice which ones would fall before I even placed my foot on them. I heard something behind me and turned to look. My foot got caught and I fell down fast. I looked up from the ground and realized it was you. I stared at you Until you finally reached out your hand to me, offering your help. I didn't trust it, but I wanted to so badly. I lifted my body slowly off the ground by myself and reached out my arms as far as I could manage. "I just want you to love me." were the only words I could muster. You held me and I sobbed. So hard that my body shook and I could feel the cries reaching up from the bottom of my stomach. You didn't seem to try and make it better, but instead wanted me to let it out. The sun was even lower now and I pictured your image fading fast. I could no longer see you or feel your presence, but I hoped that someday I would. That maybe I might have your love again without trying to gain it. I could no longer be swayed by your intentions or beliefs.

Break away from riff raff

Let's crawl through the woods and build a big fire, pouring out flames of pure desire, sometimes all we need is a nice warm touch, then I'll be left thinking about you...maybe a little too much. Someday let's drive around just to burn all the gas out of this tank, just like the little bit of money that we have left in the bank. I could get used to your big ole smile, it could carry me for miles upon miles. Love isn't quite the way it seems, it doesn't always sparkle, shine, and gleem. But it will never leave you empty, and I will forever stay in the place where you left me. It's not too late to turn around, hopefully our faces won't ever hit the ground, we will surely run out of miles long before we run out of love.

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I love you to the depths of the ocean, and the top of the sky. I love you more than the flowers and trees, the whole world combined. The air I breathe and the song I sing will never compare to the love you bring.