Twisted Thinking

I hate how you made me feel about myself. I hate the way you treated me, they way you act, the way you smell, things you say. So why don't I hate you? I hate these craters in my head that are filled with lies from you.

I hate the way I make myself feel. I hate how I act sometimes, how I can't get over things and just move on. How do I know what is the truth, and what are lies?

And I'm here to remind you,
Of the mess you left when you went away,
It's not fair to deny me,
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me.

I have nothing to cherish from you, you only gave me heart ache to carry around like luggage tied to my back. Sin is being so good about something and ruining it in a blink of an eye. That's how it works, THAT'S why we need a savior.

Alanis Morissette isn't anywhere close to being your typical "role model" HAHA. For some reason she has always explained things to me in a way that I can understand and somewhat relate with through her music. It helps me release my anger and hostility without getting too crazy! :)

To me, friends are the most precious gift God has ever given me. I love these "healthy" relationships that are blossoming with other people through God.


"Lead me in the right path, O Lord, or my enemies will conquer me. Tell me clearly what to do and show me which way to turn." Psalms 5:8

With Love Only from Christ,
Shelby Owen Esther

My New....um....Revelation?

Is it weird that the one in my life that I am closest to is my dog? I think it's because he loves me. He is devoted in a way that no one else is. His focus is fully on me at all times. I know with out a shadow of a doubt that when I come home he will be waiting on me.

Now that I am a "blogee" I guess I am expected to explain in detail all the things that run through my head daily. At first, I have a pretty good idea of this. But unfortunately it isn't that easy. I wish in some way you could dissect my head and retract all of my thoughts and feelings, but there is no way you would ever comprehend. Sure, if you have problems you could go to a friend, but would they truly understand? No.

Sometimes when I am in a room full of people I notice how it is so easy for them to converse back and forth about the things of this world and what they are experiencing. I learn new things about myslef daily. I don't understand myself, much less what I need to do to change.

One thing that I am sure of, I absolutley LOVE to be there for people. Not that I can fix or take away anything that they might be going through, but just the fact that I was a shoulder to cry on makes all the difference. I needed someone like this when I was broken.


A few days ago I drove a truck pulling a horse trailer for the first time. My dad was with me, but I was so nervous! As I sat there, I noticed that I was depending on my dad to tell me what to do next, or how wide to turn, or when to push the break. Every move I made was entrusted in him. I started to wonder, why can't I let God be like that to me? Why don't I just sit back, and let him show me which way to turn, or what move to make? Every once in a while the horses would move in the trailer and it would jerk the whole truck. It's the same way with life isn't it? When someone else knocks you over, or jerks you to the side, God will be right there helping you back up and putting you on the correct path once again.

With Love from Christ,
Shelby Owen Esther